Creating More Impact in your Writing
I've been telling a lot of students to be more specific and descriptive in their writing. This is an example of what I mean. (The exam prompt has to be general so that all sorts of different students from different backgrounds can relate to it. The problem is it sort of tricks students into writing bland, generalized expository essays that don't connect to the reader. Here are three examples that show the transition from a general, non-specific discussion of a topic to an engaging and descriptive one. The final description of divorce is much more powerful than the original one.
Topic: Divorce
Sample One: Objective (little emotional investment from reader)
The divorce of one’s parents is an example of an experience that changes everything and how one acts in the future. Divorce can be a very painful experience that someone never really gets over.
Sample Two: (First person, but little description)
My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and the experience has had a strong impact on me. It was very painful to have my dad move out of the house and now it has totally changed my relationship with him.
Sample Three: “Voice” is evident, detail creates impact
I’ll never forget the look on my father’s face before he walked out of my life. His face was a river of tears and his eyes silently pleaded with me to understand why he was leaving. For some bizarre reason I have a vivid memory of a faded leather briefcase in his hand. Was a single briefcase enough to contain all that he carried away from our family…our home? He turned away and I watched his quivering, hunched shoulders move away in dejection. After a moment of shock, I sprinted after him screaming, “DAD!” but he stepped into his car without looking back. The door handle clicked and the engine erupted over my cries. He would not look out the window before he piloted the vehicle down the driveway and out of my daily reality.
I was 5 years old, and sometimes, though I am now 17, I still feel that little boy’s longing for his father.
Topic: Divorce
Sample One: Objective (little emotional investment from reader)
The divorce of one’s parents is an example of an experience that changes everything and how one acts in the future. Divorce can be a very painful experience that someone never really gets over.
Sample Two: (First person, but little description)
My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and the experience has had a strong impact on me. It was very painful to have my dad move out of the house and now it has totally changed my relationship with him.
Sample Three: “Voice” is evident, detail creates impact
I’ll never forget the look on my father’s face before he walked out of my life. His face was a river of tears and his eyes silently pleaded with me to understand why he was leaving. For some bizarre reason I have a vivid memory of a faded leather briefcase in his hand. Was a single briefcase enough to contain all that he carried away from our family…our home? He turned away and I watched his quivering, hunched shoulders move away in dejection. After a moment of shock, I sprinted after him screaming, “DAD!” but he stepped into his car without looking back. The door handle clicked and the engine erupted over my cries. He would not look out the window before he piloted the vehicle down the driveway and out of my daily reality.
I was 5 years old, and sometimes, though I am now 17, I still feel that little boy’s longing for his father.